Rebel Edge UK

I recently shared a video about recovering from setbacks sharing my reflections on how useful the mental toughness model is for cultivating ‘bounce-back-ability.’ I share these snippets in the hopes that it resonates for someone. This particular post triggered a long overdue conversation with a friend who left me with this nugget of wisdom – don’t underestimate me.

Those three words are a challenge to the world, a defiant uplift of the chin, a squaring of the shoulders as she pushes back again, and again. They feel like a call to action. They certainly inspired me.

My friend and I share an exuberance, an energy, an excitement for life. We are optimistic, caring and purposeful people. We are not passive bystanders. We speak up. We love the tricky, sticky, hard to solve challenges. We are generous with our time. We build people up and we get results. We are also trusting, loyal and willing to believe the best in people.

What we have discovered is that our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness.

We have firsthand experience of people who will take advantage of our openness and optimism. Sometimes we can see it coming. But the real frustration comes from the gaslighting that happens when we are invited to be bold or challenge the status quo. When we do exactly that, we are confronted with subtle takedowns – like the word ‘too’ added before descriptors of our behaviours. We are ‘too’ direct and ‘too’ challenging; we need to tone things down. We are willing to help everyone so we think that others will do the same for us. We are the bold, fresh approach – until it becomes uncomfortable. We might find ourselves excluded from the conversation by the same people who invited us in. Because we said what we saw, because we called out behaviours, because we highlighted the blockers in the road. Never out of malice, never for personal gain – always in pursuit of the purpose.

How do you work with those power dynamics?
How do you discern between the snake oil and the genuine invitation?
How do you give your all but save enough energy to keep yourself safe and not let imposter syndrome creep in?

It takes so much energy to navigate and repel all the undermining language. We may feel tempted to put up a barrier to repel everything. Yet if we constantly repel, we miss the opportunities for genuine connection and opportunities to do good work. Somehow we have to be vulnerable to attack so that the ‘good stuff’ can flow through. And the good stuff does come – let me tell you!

And that’s the importance of mental toughness. To stay open and positive. To resist becoming the person who expects the worst of people. We keep smiling. We keep dreaming. We may bend, but we won’t break.

Because we are what we do next.

We speak up. We challenge. We create space for others. We dream. We make things happen. We can manage uncertainty and sit with our feelings. We don’t make others feel small.

We are the people who say: don’t underestimate me.

How are you maintaining your positivity and resilience? How are you at letting the good filter through?